You made me cry and you don't even care
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
