dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
