4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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