half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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