Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
