Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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