Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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