I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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