Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
