if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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