the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
