Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
