Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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