I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
