I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
