you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My balls are so social today.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
