Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
