I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
