I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
