party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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