This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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