dude i'm inner monologue high
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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