just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
