why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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