I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
