Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
