I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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