i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
