i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
