You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
