why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
