I'm jealous of your bromance
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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