Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
