he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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