On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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