I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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