If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
