should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
