heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
