I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
