I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
