Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
