Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
