What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
