my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
