It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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