Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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