Kiss
Puke
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
