i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize