I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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