We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
