now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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