OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
