I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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