Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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