return my video game
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
