I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
