I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
