so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
