Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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