so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He passed out mid-signature
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
