To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
