for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
