The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize