My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
