I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
