your room smells of hookers.
And success
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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