apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
