The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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