I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
