I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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