what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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