Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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