I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
