you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
