i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
