Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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