Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
