i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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