I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
