I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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